Hayes Hamburgers

We ventured out to Vivon Road to eat at Hayes. They are known for their 24 hr greasy breakfasts but we went for the burgers instead. I was told they cook their burgers the way White Castle used to make them. So I said " what could go wrong there!?" Hayes' website states " You can smell the onions from a mile away" ...Uh oh....
It's a classic quaint place with chrome stools, sweaty fry cook and classic grumpy old lady waitress that's been here since the invention of ketchup. We sat at the back corner table smiling and enjoying the kitsch when I noticed we were all crying. A very Twilight Zone moment. Looking around the diner I noticed no one else had any of our symptoms. They could have cared less. They must have gotten the onion vaccine in 50's that was mandatory by all high schools. Anyways, while trying to finish our meal through our tears, we decided the burgers were only average. Plus, sad to say, the shake machine was broke. So, no malt for me. The pie was good, nothing great. So I give respect to keeping it real , but if you have to wear an astronaut suit to eat there, I say "Houston we have a problem."

In a Tub

Today, we visited that Northland tradition, In a Tub. A magical place where everything is fried, and comes, not surprisingly, in a tub. They are famous (some say infamous) for their deep fried tacos. I ordered 2 of the beef, bean and cheese. Now, when I say cheese, I don't mean anything that probably came out of cow, or is the color of anything found in nature. This is the same stuff you shake out on popcorn, or comes with your cheapo Kraft mac and cheese.

I also got the cheese burrito. They must get their frozen burritos from the same place the Independence School District does, because they were exactly like the ones my high school served. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Both tacos and burritos tasted exactly like I knew they would. Deep fried goodness. There are some haters out there (usually poor outsiders drug up there by some Northlander), who have left less than favorable reviews about In a Tub. (Insert nasally voice) "Ohhh, they're so greasy. Ewww my tummy hurt after eating there." No. Really? A place that deep fries everything made you feel yucky and tired. I'm making a sad unhappy face for you right now.

On the way out I noticed they had a sign that said "Ice Cream is Back!". Well, you know that means I had to get a shake. Oh, and some chili pie to wash it down. The shake was OK. Nothing to make a big proclamation about. The chili pie could have been great if the Fritos weren't stale. Sonic still wins out there.
"So, take off to the great, white north, it's a beauty way to go."

Food: 3. 5 spoons. I see this place as a great hangover cure.
Price: 4 spoons. $6.50 for 2 tacos, a burrito, and a meduim drink. You won't get that at Taco Bell
Kitch: 1. No decor. I mean none.

Greasy Spooners Odyssey: Chattanooga, TN and Dalton GA

How, you ask, did I end up in Dalton, GA, the carpet capital of US? Well, my wife had training for a new job this week in lovely Dalton and I got dragged along. The owners of her company are good ol' Southerners and they like to meet the families of all their new hires. They paid for everything, and when I met them they turned out to be some the coolest people I know. The only downside was I had to try to find something to do for 4 days. The Greasy Spooner in me accepted the challenge.
Dalton is only 20 minutes south of Chattanooga, TN, so I decided I needed some Memphis style BBQ. Readers of this blog, will know I'm a BBQ snob. I know Memphis style is different from KC's, but good meat is good meat, right? I did my research on Chattanooga, and "Sticky Fingers" seemed to be the accepted winner by the locals for ribs, despite the fact it's a chain. I was surprised that I had to explain the different BBQ disciplines to the waitress who was from Texas, for Chrissakes! I ordered the dry rub, as the any other seemed too much like something I would get from KC.
Ugh! First, the ribs were "fall off the bone". Now, that may sound great to the uninformed, but any true BBQ snob will tell you ribs should tear off the bone (he says in a snooty English accent while sipping a martini). Fall of the bone means they've been boiled ahead of time which is heresy, and the place should be burned down just for that. The ribs themselves were dry and bland even though they were covered in what I would describe as the same stuff Red Robin puts on their fries. The sides sucked, too. The bright side, really great cornbread. They were more like cupcake texture than what I'm used too.
Sticky Fingers, Chattanooga, TN: 1 spoon ( you got that for the cornbread and halfway decent service).

Besides being a conniseur of all things greasy, I'm also a Civil War buff, so before the trip to Chickamauga battlefield, I stopped in at what was billed by reviews as the best Biscuits and Gravy in Chattanooga, the New York Diner. Really, your gonna name your place the the New York Diner in the deep South. Have you seen that El Paso salsa commercial about "gettin' rope"?

I ordered 2 eggs, bacon, and a full order of B&G. Gotta say, not bad. But not as good as I would expect for Tennesee. The home fires, however, were probably the best I've had, period.

New York Diner, Chattanooga, TN: 3.5 spoons. 

Also in Chattanooga is a little dive bar called "the Pickle Barrel. This was my kinda place. Looked like Fred Sanford and some place from Harry Potter had a baby. I don't think a single stool matched, and I'm pretty sure most were dated about Civil War era. There's a ricketty spiral staircase (that I can't imagine navigating drunk) that goes up to a tree lined deck. The railing looked completely unstable and the flooring crooked. I'm in love. On the menu was the usual fair, including fried pickles. I ordered a Yeungling beer, cause you can't get 'em west of the Mississippi.  

Pickle Barrel, Chattanooga, TN: 5 spoons (kitch off the scale)

Now, actually in Dalton, GA we ate at a fantastic Mexican Place (not Tex-Mex, Mexican), called Los Reyes. The place looked like an old hacienda, and the food was off the el chickety chain. I had a burrito and chile relino platter, piping hot (both temperature and spice) with beans and rice. Worth the stop if visitng or passing through.

Los Reyes, Dalton, GA: 4.5 spoons

One other place worth mentioning in Dalton is the Filling Station in their historic downtown. Now, when you drive up, you notice a lot of old people. This, fellow Spooners, is blessing and a curse. Old people means cheap prices, but it also means bland food. You put a $10 bill in the pickle jar and get all-you-can-eat Southern food. Mashed potatoes, fried okra, fried chicken, collard greens, etc. As suspected, all surprisingly bland. And no gravy for the taters? What planet are you from?

But the pies, oh the pies, they made up for everything. Best peacn pie "I ever et, y'all". 

Was it great? No. Did I eat till I was physically ill? Yes

The Filling Station, Dalton, GA: 4 spoons (the pies saved you)

Cree-Mee, Gravois Mills, MO

Did some travellin' this weekend down to the Lake of the Ozarks for my wife's 25 year HS reunion (insert hillybilly jokes, here). Outside our lovely motel stood the Cree-Mee. I had to eat there just for the name. They boasted "the best tenderloins in town", not hard for a town of 209.
First, although they have a walk up window, you have to go inside. It looks like my kids built it. Somebody actually built this place, stood back and said, "yeah, this looks great".
Anyway, the tenderloin was good, hand battered, and probably the best in town. The fries were crunchy and chili fries even better. The burger was a nice, non fast food chain burger. Shakes top-notch. Will definitely stop by next time we're passing thru. If for no other reason, to make me feel better about mmy own home improvement abilities.

this last one is just for ambiance. Yes, that sign really says "jacuzzi"

Thirsty's Cantina

Oh Thirsty's, how I missed you. As a follow up to Saturday's review, I had to go back and try an old favorite. There was much anticipation in the household for taco Tuesday at Thirsty's. Would it be the same? Of course not, I had kids with me. We arrived at their corner location and parked in front of Planters. There was 70s rock blasting from the speakers outside. Good sign. I digest better to Steve Miller Band.
We were greeted by the GM, who informed my kids it was "Kids Pay for Parents" night. The place of course had none of the old divey Westport locale, but it was bright and friendly. Our waitress quickly had our drinks and orders and brought us some salsa. Hot salsa. For once, salsa that is hot. Not say its hot and its not. Hot.
Our "all you can eat" tacos actually came with beans and rice. I find this usual and smart. Unusual because I don't see it alot. Smart because beans and rice are cheap, You load up on those, you don't have to make so many tacos. And the refried beans were good. Like, really good. Not the tasteless crap you get most places. Rice was good too. The GM informed me they have changed the rice recipe 10 times over the years and you only get about 30% of the people that like them, no matter the recipe. Oh, well.
Oh, and let me say their not just a Mexican place. Their motto is "I'd rather eat food in a bar, than drink in a restaurant". I agree.
So on to the tacos. They were good. Not "oh, my God"fantastic. But good. The kind with the deep fried shell, not out of box kind. Most places you get meat, cheese and lettuce. Thirsty's kicks it up a notch with adding tomatoes, green onions and parmesan sprinkled on top the shredded cheese.
Add in a Tecate, and you have a recipe for heaven.
Food: 4.5 spoons
Price: 3 spoons
Kitch: 1 spoons. But it didn't need it. Nice clean bar and happy customers.
Bonus: My daughter's new favorite place. I'll make the drive from Indy any Tuesday.

Eat your way around the world, or at least the City Market

When I met my wife 17 years ago, she was Market Master of the historic City Market. Many credit her for turning it from a flea market to the first class farmer's market it is today. She hasn't worked there for many years, but most of the farmers and shop owners from those days still give her a big hug when we come around. But this blog is about food.
The City Market is not only a great place for fresh, locally grown produce and products, but also a great place to spend the morning grazing.
In addition to just wandering the islands and stalls for free samples, I usually grab a coffee and a fluffy scone at the City Market Coffee Company. The place gets packed early, but here's a secret. Right up front there's a place to drop a $1 and just pick up an 8oz. cup o' Joe and avoid the line. But, if you want one of those scones I talked about, you'll have to get in line.

Now I need some protein. Carolla's Italian Market grills their own sausages and burgers right there. Or there's other vendors scattered around grilling sausages and dogs with plenty of grilled fresh peppers and onions. There's even a little breakfast cart selling biscuits and gravy.
I discovered the beef pies at Tikka house this morning. My fingers still smell like the yummy beef, onions and spices packed inside this crusty little piece of heaven. They've got feta filled and gyro pies, too.

Also new is Bloom bakery. You can watch them making bread from the big window outside. They have, in additional to their fresh baked breads, wonderful little cupcakes called buds. They bake them in those little cups the dentist gives you your mouthwash in at teeth cleaning time. My daughter and I split a Vanilla Bean and a Hummingbird (orange zest with coconut butter cream icing). Yes, it was as good as it sounds.
Then we all split a ham and cheese with jalapeno stuffed croissant. Nummy.....
On the way out, after snagging some Morrel mushrooms, we found a lady making Shroopwaffels (sp?) outside the Dutch Flower place. These were little waffleconey material with cinnamon maple syrup between. My daughter wanted to go back for more.
There's more. Way more. Salsa and dips and cheeses and jellies....
A stop at Alhabasshi's Mediterranean Market is worth it. Sample all the great nuts and dried fruits. Outside he sells spices out of the bag for a dollar a scoop. Kids will walk away with a cinnamon stick for free.

Just north of the Market is a large Asian Market. If you can put on your big-boy pants and breath through your mouth, you can get cheap, authentic noodles, spices and dumplings straight from Asia. I always see people bringing in coolers and buying massive amounts of seafood, despite the fishy smell. And don't forget about the restaurants scattered around the perimeter of the Market. Winslow's has solid BBQ and great place to hang out on summer nights. I miss the Delaware Cafe, but I hear the the Farmhouse that replaced it is good. Don't waste your time waiting for breakfast at Cascone's. I never have understood the appeal. Ketchupy Italian sauce and expensive prices are what await you after waiting an hour in line.
I discovered a couple of places from my past right next the Planters (a KC institution in itself). While living in my crappy little studio apartment off the Plaza I used to order Antonio's Pizza. For a time, Antonio's and Torre's battled for pizza supremacy in Westport. Torre's is still there, so that tells you who won. So I was surprised and happy to see Antonio's is back, down by the market. New Greasy Spooners adventure!
Right on the corner next door, is Thirsty's. This is another Westport veteran that moved down to the Market. I can't tell you how many Sundays I spent at Thirsty's having all-you-can-eat tacos and watching the Chiefs lose. So glad they're back. My wife almost cried when she saw the sign.

Stroud's

I have to start out by saying I miss the old location at 85th and Troost. Yes, it's been gone for awhile, but the hurt is still fresh. Come on, a creaky, uneven floor, and an old guy playing at the piano? It doesn't get any better than that. The one up north is still cool, but the new location in Fairway has no style.
I ask every person new to KC the same question, "have you been to Stroud's?". I always get the same answer. "Yes, but the chicken wasn't that good."
I'm going to let you in on a secret the moron who sent you there forgot to tell you. Come closer. Lean in...
The chicken's not that great. Never has been. Now, the chicken fried steak, the pork chops (which you can get grilled or fried, or both on the same plate), the mashed potatoes, oh God the mashed potatoes, and pretty much everything else is sweet, delicious mana from heaven.
My wife and I have been trying to copy the green beans for years, but still haven't got it right. And my sister and I could finish off a platter of gizzards and livers before you could say "Gross! Gizzards and livers?"
Next secret. Have everybody order a different side, that way you can have them all.
So the next time your aunt Matilda comes in from Cleveland, and you want to take her to Stroud's, repeat after me, "don't get the chicken."

Food: 5 spoons
Service: 4 spoons, you have to wait, but it's worth it. I think they've had the same waitresses forever.
Kitch: 2 (I averaged the 2 locations)
Bonus: The cinnamon rolls!